What Is Date Rape?
Sexual Violence Where the Victim Knows the Rapist
Apr 29, 2008 Christina Gleason
While rape committed by a stranger gains far attention from the media, rape committed by someone known to the victim is far more common. When the rapist is known to the person who has been raped, it is called date rape or acquaintance rape. Date rape is the term used when someone you know forces or coerces you into having sex.
The Date Rapist
Many perpetrators of date rape do not consider themselves to be rapists. He can be someone you consider a date, a friend, a boyfriend, or even a husband. He may think that he was "owed" sexual intercourse because you wore something revealing, because he bought you an expensive dinner, because you've been dating and have had sex before, or because it's his right as a husband. Sex is never “owed” to anyone; everyone has the right to say no. Date rape is not about sex or love; it is about power.
Is It Date Rape?
Many women who have been victims of date rape may not realize it at first, especially if alcohol was involved, or may not want to admit it. No one wants to admit that a friend, a boyfriend, or even a husband could have raped her.
If you were in a situation where you said "no" to sex, and he forced you to do it anyway, that is date rape. Here are some examples of date rape situations:
- On your third date, he took you to an expensive restaurant. He drives you back to your place, where you start to fool around. Before it goes any further, you ask him to put on a condom. When he refuses, you say no, but he makes you have sex anyway. That is date rape.
- You've been dating for two years and started living together. You've slept together a number of times, but you get mad at him for staying out late with his friends instead of spending the evening with you. He wants to have sex, but you don't. When you go to bed, he climbs in with you and forces you to have sex. That is date rape.
- You're at a party where you've been drinking. You meet a really hot guy and go back to his place with him. You make out for a while, and he tries to get you to have sex with him. You say no. He seems to accept that, but he keeps getting you to drink more alcohol until you are no longer coherent enough to stop him from taking your clothes off. The next morning, you can't remember most of the night before, but you eventually realize that you had sex. That is date rape.
- Your husband had a rough day at work, so he settles down with a six-pack of beer. You try to stay out of his way when he gets like this. While you're washing the dishes, he grabs you and brings you into the bedroom, then forces you to have sex. That is date rape.
If you are drunk or he gets you drunk and then has sex with you, it is considered date rape because you were legally unable to give consent when intoxicated. If you say yes to one type of sexual activity but he makes you do another type (like oral sex or anal sex) that you do not want to do, it is date rape. If you say yes to sex, but only with a condom, and he makes you have sex without a condom, it is date rape.
Remember, if you say no, and he does it anyway, it is date rape, regardless of how long you've known each other or how many times you've slept together previously. Date rape is never the victim's fault. It is never your fault.
For more information about date rape, visit kidshealth.org, or read about college students and date rape or teens and date rape drugs.
Many people know their rapists
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