|
The moment your child discloses abuse your world becomes intensely surreal. Support for the child's family members is as vital as it is for the sexually abused child.
When child sexual abuse ( or child molestation ) has been disclosed an essential building block of the child, and an emotional element of the child’s family, has died. Like death, the intolerable pain is a natural reaction and the intense emotions that follow are part of the journey to healing.
It takes time to heal and the length of time is different for everyone involved. Always remember that grieving is not a weakness, it is necessary. It allows individuals to come to terms with the reality of the crime and to focus emotional energy toward the future.
Child Sexual Abuse Mourning
Stage one of grief is shock. Living in a cocoon or as if in dense fog becomes a way of life for what can last for days, weeks and in serious cases, months.
Stage two of grieving is being disorganized. When shock has diminished there may be physical repercussions. The most prevalent is the weakening of your immune system which can make you vulnerable to anything. At this point cascades of negative emotions begin to overwhelm your thoughts. Anger and guilt becomes an emotional anchor. Blaming yourself will be part of the healing process but it is essential to understand that it is not your fault. It was the fault of the man (or woman) who violated your child. Pulling up that emotional anchor takes strength and support from others in your life. Recovery from this stage can take weeks or months.
Stage three is acceptance. You no longer dwell on the abuse and focus on daily tasks. Nightmares may still haunt you on occasion and triggers may cause you to cry when you thought were healed. Remember, it’s okay to cry.
Supporting Your Child
In most cases children do not disclose until they’re into their teenage years or even adulthood. No matter when disclosure happens, remember that they are feeling isolated and highly vulnerable. They were threatened by the perpetrator never to talk. Unless healing happens for them, memories will haunt them and adversely affect them throughout their lives.
For those sexually abused at a young age, their development has been tampered. It can either hold back maturity or push them ahead. Those who have suffered abuse have one or many mental health ailments such as post traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.), depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations. Getting help is crucial no matter what age they disclose in order for them to properly heal and live healthy, productive lives.
For family members supporting the child’s (or adult’s) healing journey, always use encouraging words. Many survivors will complain that people tell them to “get past it”. Remember, sexual abuse survivors may appear to be extremely strong on the outside but in reality they’re falling apart on the inside.
Getting help can be difficult. Those who have lived this nightmare will attest that often what follows deepens the trauma. Family break up, police involvement, court appearances, it can be overwhelming. Remember, you are not alone. Reach out and get support.
Online support is available at Child Sexual Abuse a Parent’s Perspective, an MSN support group.
Good starting points are: The Canadian Mental Health Association and Bikers Against Child Abuse
The copyright of the article Child Sexual Abuse in Sexual Abuse is owned by Karen Stephenson. Permission to republish Child Sexual Abuse in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
Comments
Nov 14, 2008 5:09 AM
Guest :
love yur article and it is so true
Jan 27, 2009 12:57 PM
Guest :
The MSN Group Parent's Perspective is closing. However, many of us have
relocated to Healing Hearts and Souls at www.healingheartsandsouls.net
If you are looking for support we are there to help you!!!
Love,
A parent of a sexually abused child.
Feb 12, 2009 11:36 AM
Guest :
reading the article makes a lot of people like me as a senior n high school
think what needs to be in our communities and how we can stop the abuse
from happening. I've been thru this kind abuse and as of right now i still
think about it but so far i made thru all my 14 yrs. ofeducation. so im
glad some people still care... for us victums! Thanks!
Feb 15, 2009 11:28 AM
Guest :
I was abused at at an early age, that lasted for years by anyone and
everybody, including my own father. I have been determined to be a decent
and caring person despite the abuse. Married for 32 years,two daughters who
I had always told from the time they were very little, to tell me if anyone
ever touches them. they always said "no one had". When my little
grandaughter told me that her "pops" had, and demonstrated to me
what he had done to her in graphic detail by moving her forefinger up and
down, putting it on her private area, then putting her finger in her mouth
after saying " pops does this", when I told her to tell me if
anyone ever touches her in the same way I told my two daughters. I was the
only one who believed her until recently. I have been accused of putting it
in her head. I would nor could I ever do something like that. This whole
thing has gotten so bad that my daughters marriage is over, my husband,
daughters and I no longer speaks to my mother in law, because she had
rather believe them than to believe the truth. DHS, investigated, they
believed her too. "pops" took a lie detector test and passed. I
took one and passed. The whole thing is that I want people to know that if
you tell your loved one to tell you if anyone ever touches them, and they
disclose to you that someone has, be prepared for the fight of your life!!
It has really amased me just how much--people will defend the abuser
instead of the one who has been violated. Guess it explains why there are
so many cases that go unreported. In fact federal studies show that 90,000
children every year are abused and yet the same study shows that only 1 out
of 10 cases will actually be reported. Lie detector test' should be
out-lawed, they only give someone with no consious the presumtion of
innocence, because, lieing is easy for someone who would have an evil heart
to mollest a child in the first place. Nothing for them to be able to pass
a lie detector test! This has been in every sense of the word 'hell",
just because we are trying to keep her and her brother from their
grandfather, which by all indications her brother has said he abused him
too, but because nothing was done over three years ago they do not remember
what happened then. I am so tired to the point of thoughts of ending my
life. Funny, how I always told my children to tell the truth and to always
be honest because they're are consequeses for lieing..never thought to tell
them they're would be cons.for telling the truth!
Oct 18, 2009 6:43 AM
Guest :
i have been abused by my step farther from the age of 3-4 years to i was 12
and i told my mother and all she did was cover it up and told me andmy
sister that if we everr told anyone she would never speak to us again, and
to make things worse she even stayed with him and still is today.. now that
i'm 26 i have finally told people about it and am going to take to court
but i'm am scared that they won't belieave me because she said that they
are going to say that i am lying and that i am crazy it really hurts me
that my own mother didn't beliave me and my sister when we told her and she
stayed with him so i had to live with him until i finally got out at
14years, my sister left at 13yrs and went to live with dad so it hasn't
affected her as much as it does to me , i have sufferd alot with this and i
can't stop thinkig of it , it has affected my whole life and now that the
sime of the family knows i feel a little better but i am scared of going to
court , if any one can help me with advise please do so ....
5 Comments
|
